Note: Karen K. wrote this awesome piece to express the meaning of Truthiness. We challenge any worthy American out there to take this and make a video out of it, in the style of our leader Stephen Colbert. Send us your videos!
Fellow Americans – and yes, this message is just for Americans, so if you’re some kind of Franco-Swede-Italian-ese non-American, a citizen of some blighted land where spirits are crushed under the oppressive thumb of free health care, quality education and stinky cheese, go back to your government-mandated three-hour lunch break that you spend wishing you lived in this, the greatest country the world has ever known. Buzz off, you Euro-freaks. I’m talking to Americans.
What have we lost, America? Our way, our values, our guiding light, and possibly, if she doesn’t turn up at the back door soon, our cat. Now, there are plenty of nay-sayers out there who keep saying nay. Stop it. It’s annoying. Say NO. No, I won’t be shackled, imprisoned, entombed by your so-called “facts” that you “know.” Truthiness isn’t in your brain. It’s in your gut. And if you feel it in your gut, it’s better than knowing it in your brain, because when you eat a tasty sandwich, does it go to your brain? No! It goes to your gut. Case closed. So let’s go forward together, America. Let’s move out of the blinding glare of facts, knowledge and truth, and curl up together in the dark, cozy, and disturbingly moist comfort of truthiness.
You may have heard about Glenn Beck’s rally at the Lincoln Memorial. In fact, you were there. Since Beck’s estimate of a crowd of 6 kajillion exceeds the earth’s population, you were actually there several times over. The purpose of the rally was to restore America’s honor. A noble goal, and one best achieved by using publicly-funded transportation to gather at a publicly-funded memorial that’s protected and maintained by public servants to decry the evils of socialism. Plus, he honorably distributed maps to keep the attendees out of the areas of Washington that are not so honorable. Or so white. Well done, Mr. Beck.
Now, we don’t think we can top that. But we feel we can. And just as feeling is better than thinking, attending a rally to restore truthiness is better than sitting at home waiting for your cat to show up. Bootsy’s gone. Face it.
So join us on 10-10-10 for a celebration of that special feeling in your gut. Truthiness. It’s like a tasty sandwich. In fact, think of the rally as two slices of Wonder Bread with a hearty slab of pan-fried truthiness in the middle. With a schmear of factoids and a pickle spear of “If I feel it’s so, it’s so.” And maybe some coleslaw.
We feel the crowd will far outnumber Glenn Beck’s. We’ll be happy to release any number of numbers to prove it. Will they be true? Who cares? They’ll be truthy.
By Karen Kallestad (9/2/2010) – No you can not marry her. We already asked.